Personalized Gifts for Her.
Easy for You.

Yes, it's a real service, but it's not literally insurance. We can't promise anything about your marriage, only that what we pick for her beats whatever you'd grab last minute.

Seriously? If you really have to ask, you definitely need this... but no, it's not actually insurance. It's just a fun name for the service (which is real). Read the policy doc for more.

Everything's included. The subscription covers the gifts listed in your plan. You never spend another dime.

You do not need to be married, but you might want to consider it. As Jerry Seinfeld says, “My wife” is a great way to start a sentence. Give it a try.

Get it together.

This is for men in real relationships. Man up and commit already so you can pay us to do something you can do on your own.

Yes. This is the best possible scenario.

Because remembering every date, size, and her exact shade of “no, the other beige” is a lot. Now it's handled.

We hit 4 of the 5 ways love is expressed: physical gifts (perfume, jewelry, etc.); acts of service (cleaning service, a personal chef for the night, etc.); experiences (concert tickets, hot air balloon, etc.); and words of affirmation (framed quotes, handwritten cards, etc.). The 5th is physical touch, which costs extra, for obvious reasons... just kidding, we can't help you with that one, but Wife Insurance certainly should help you get some.

Based on your wife's profile, we buy things for her that she'll love and make you look like a thoughtful husband. Here's an example: on a random Tuesday we'll place a pickup order for a hand cream we know she's running low on, so all you have to do is grab it on your way home and pretend it was your idea when you give it to her.

Like you would know if we named any of them. You can't even remember your wedding song. But don't worry, this is our bread and butter. Our CEO's a woman, she knows what's up.

It's nice to see you pretending to care about the gifts themselves. Rest assured, the founder and CEO of Wife Insurance is a woman and a wife. Your gifts are in the right hands (see: not yours).

Honestly? No, and that's the point. You handed this off because you're bad at it. We pick it based on everything we know about her, then email you exactly what's coming (and the line to use) before it ships. If something's genuinely off, reply and a real human will fix it, but 'a say' is the one job you happily outsourced.

Within a tight window of the occasion. Physical gifts require confirmation, and we'll be tracking them like hawks.

It's timed to her, not to a countdown from checkout. Once you finish the 5-minute onboarding and we've built her profile, we anchor the first gift to her calendar: if one of her occasions is coming up, give us at least 4 days and it lands the day before it, right on time. Nothing imminent? We don't make her wait. The first thing she gets is a no-reason 'just because' surprise drop. Either way, we email you exactly what's coming (and the line to use) before it ships.

You, dear friend, are smarter than you look. Someone get this guy some meatloaf.

You're charged when you sign up, and then on the same day every month after that.

Yes, you can cancel anytime. We do not offer refunds, but if she doesn't like a gift we'll send you a backup and a 6-pack of beer to make up for it.

We know you don't know any of this. All you do is provide a few pics of her and some things lying around the house and answer a few easy questions. We turn that into her whole profile. Five minutes, tops, and yeah, we know that's a stretch for you.

What do you think? ... Just kidding. We use them to create a profile for her so we can match the perfect gifts to her. We delete her photos once we finalize her profile.

None of the gifts will show our branding. For physical gifts, they'll be packaged beautifully, so she'll probably know you didn't wrap them yourself. As for knowing who picked them, if she asks, take the credit, fool.

We will never sell anyone's personal data.

We'll send you a replacement and a 6-pack of beer (or N/A beer if you prefer). Yes, really.

First, you do something stupid that upsets your wife. That's the easy part. Then fill out a claim form. Make sure to explain why your wife is upset. If you can't, or you blame her, stop, grow up, and come back when you can take some accountability.

Run.

All gifts are addressed to you, but if she does find out, the fact that you sought out and paid for a service that curates thoughtful gifts for her, guaranteed to be delivered on time for the most important moments of the year, shows you're making an effort. Is it a low bar? Yes, but that's where we are. So if you get caught, lean in, own it, and ask her if she liked the gift or prefers you go back to wasting money on things she'd donate anyway. You can also let her know this was started by a woman.

Yea, this is one we've spent a lot of time thinking about, the juxtaposition of positive change and the perceived intentions of said change.

No idea. Good luck with that.

Because this shouldn't even have to exist.

It's certainly a step in the right direction, but we probably shouldn't comment beyond that.

You're special. Now get off our website.

Yea, probably.

Only you can save your marriage, which means you're probably doomed. But this can definitely help. What do you have to lose? Oh, right...